Today I Choose to be Depressed

I don't know about other people but I've always enjoyed to go to the dentist. I would always refuse the anesthetic and would stay there quietly until the work was done. Marvelous days... too bad they're over.

But as written in the last Post I eventually decided to have a bone augmentation for future implants. Much easier said than done. It was done: pain and everything else on the menu was included, uh ok, first day was horrible the next day was even worse, buuuut the worst was still to come. In two weeks time the first signs that the intervention was not successful. Last evening the confirmation and the decision to revert.
Unfortunately the reversion is not right click -> revert. Nooo, it's new anesthetic, new cut, blood, wires, pain, removal of everything. Above all this there's disappointment and depression. And as if this is not enough I am scared as hell because I have to start it all over again.

Cause it's all in my head, I think about it over and over again... and it hurts so bad - Not funny, I'm so scared I almost shit my pants... I'll never be brave again

How come I spend time in from of the computer even when I am back home, although in theory I don't enjoy that much wasting my life this way. I 'm not talking about the days when I work until late in the evening or actually do something really useful.

There are those tens and hundreds, maybe thousands of minutes per month when I just check fb or read stupid articles, not more than 10% make a difference in the end and even thou I mostly forget.

You would probably tell me that I should filter and choose more carefully the sites, the articles. I most certainly should, but I just get dragged by images. Pictures, I like pictures with people, with animals, fantasy pictures, sad, happy images, and especially photos and painting, but photos, old photos, everyday life photos, tons of them. I never had a claimed passion for photography neither taking nor admiring others work more than a passive viewer. But as a passive one man I like watching photos, among the first things I do when entering a new house I ask if I'm allowed to go through family albums.

I was not aware, but again tonight as many other times I found myself analyzing those from bostonpictures. I barely ever have the patience to read the description, what I usually do is to make up a scenario then compare it with the provided description to see how close I were. BANG most of the times, the description is so brief, it contains none of the details I though of so I win :).

         PS And I love pictures with FOOD - DESIRABLE GOOD LOOKING FOOD! Just like this breakfast from last year.

Movies to Kill One's Pain While Sick

While at home I couldn't do much - I just felt dizzy from the pain and the pills and often happend to stare at a book
for an hour then put it back on the shelf, taking another one that had the same destiny. The outcome being that I didn't read more
than 20 sentences from 4 different books.
But I was able to see some movies. One can stare at a movie, even without being able to follow the details.
Some things still make sense like: hey I've seen this character 10 minutes ago too - it has to be something about it :).

So what did I watch:

• Snow White and the Huntsman - did I like it? I don't know, I liked the Step Mother
  
  
• Some episodes of Suits - do I recommend it? I don't know, one can see few episodes to make an idea,
  I don't think it does make one addictive comparing to other series I've started seeing.


• Islam - What the West Needs to Know - I do recommend this one, I'm not going to comment as it way above
  my powers for the moment, but I will say that it shaked us both me and my better half.
  You can find it fully on you tube


• Aaaand last but not least Moonrise Kingdom - with 9.4 on rottentomatoes and 8.2 on imdb - I couldn't understand why,
  maybe I was in the dizzy phase, but the song I like and me sure you like 2. ENJOY!

          

Surgical Intervention

Since I have no inspiration what so ever, I'll just share the personal experience.
Two days ago I had my first Surgical Intervention ever. It was a dental one, a bone
augmentation. I was missing two teeth for more than 18 years now and the bone in that
area withdrew. This procedure is for a future dental implant.

I have no clue if it was a difficult operation, I guess it was - it lasted more than 1,5 hours. What I
know is that my doctor told me it happend pretty often that the intervention is
not successful, I felt like fainting couple of times during the surgery, I
didn't like the girl who assisted my doctor, I can't eat, I can't talk, it hearts
when I swallow, it hearts when I spit, today should be the worse day of
them all, then it get's better, my jaw grew huge. I will only find out in couple
of weeks if it's ok or not. If it's ok I have to wait for almost a year to
be able to start the dental implant (which will last 6 months), if it's not
ok, I wait for all this to heal and I start it all over again.

There have to be positive things otherwise I wouldn't have done it. Of course this is a
long term investment. In couple of years I should have better teeth and avoid the
consequences of missing some(although it didn't bother me at all the long term effects
existed)... that's the target. I trust my doctor, during the surgery I though he left
me with the other colleague of his and I panic a little, I opened my eyes and he was
there, every time I felt his body against my head I would get confortable and the
fainting feeling would disappear for a while.

I can only hope this will work out cause I am pretty sure I won't give it another try!

Targoviste City Break

It happens quite a lot to think that I would love to get out of Bucharest, without paying too much, without driving too far. After all these years I found a reasonable solution: Targoviste.

• a nice quiet town
• 80 km from Bucharest
• there's Targoviste's Fortress and Chindia Tower
• a pretty stylish cathedral in the Center of the Town
• Dealu Monastery a restful place with plenty of roses, a picturesque view from the top of the hill to the town
• the old city center which makes feel as being in Prague
• people there seem terribly nice

Another great thing was that we paid 55 Lei for a meal at a restaurant in the old center. It was a very tasty meal and I couldn't finish what I ordered. Very good accommodation in the center can be found at 120 Lei per night. We didn't check if there's any cheaper than that, I believe it is.

Our experience was improved by our scope there. We were there to a wedding where I learnt four different types of traditional romanian dancing. People danced other two that I knew already and another one that was way too difficult.
We were lazy and unprepared so we didn't take any pictures, hence you have the honor of searching yourself, or even better make a city break to Targoviste!

I just noticed the last post was one week after I started the hormons treatment. I am not sure if it's really related or not but since I must continue the treatment all the rest my life I do not plan avoiding writing for that long. At least it seems that I was in a happy mood. That a good sign I guess. I'm not promising that I will constantly add new posts but I can promise I'll try.
Inspiration 0 - again I have no clue if it has anything to do with being less ill, maybe one has to be rather ailing to get some inspiration.
Not many follow the blog so people mostly know, but for those who don't: worry not. I am not dying. I just suffer of something similar to diabetes but it's not diabetes. Suffering is too much said, I am not suffering... anymore :). Just trying to skip embarrassing situations here.


I would have liked to see the original video, the one that used to be played on MTV(eeeh MTV, remember?) but I can't find it. This one's as good anyway.

Bare(bear) Necessities

Today I woke up incredibly optimistic.
I try to make plans, the one that I'm happy to think about and feels doable no matter what is to wait for good weather and use my scooter (trotineta :)).

"Have I given you a clue?"

Would you have helped me?

Now, I disturb you today to share with you the small experience that almost ruined my day. There were good news and all tasks were accomplished afterwards and the day was saved. But the sour taste stays. Hence I feel like spreading the word. I have woken up today at around 6:30 as I needed to be at the hospital at 10:00. The amount of snow is quite huge in the last days so I took extra time. We left the parking lot few minutes before 8:00. The trip from our place to Pipera subway was not a smooth one, we had to get down and push the cars (not only ours), but eventually we got to the first destination. From there I got to Aviatorilor where I noticed I forgot my cell phone in the car. I needed the phone to call the doctor at the hospital, it's a big building, her name was save on the phone, I have never met her before, plus that we established I would call when I get there. Going back to the car didn't make sense, as Bogdan had the keys and there were great chances he had left by that time to the Police Office where he went for some paper work. Since I wasn't late and still had time to pick my phone I needed to call Bogdan, but hey, I had no phone, this was the reason I wanted to call him for. Let's just say that on a scale from 1 to 10 (1 meaning I didn't need a phone at all) it was 7.5. Inside the subway I have asked at least ten persons to let me use their phone: either to call for few seconds or just to "beep" so that I'll be called back. They were looking at me very suspiciously, not even trying to find a good excuse why they wouldn't help me. In the end I was lucky, a young guy let me use his phone, one could see clearly he also had his doubts. Letting aside the fact that I felt uncomfortable and asked myself if I looked that bad. I felt anger and disappointment. Where are the public phones? What happens to people? I don't judge them, it's partially explainable why they avoid being kind. They have heard or themselves had been the victims of fake similar situations. Were all ten of them victims to this kind of problems? Is this a reason not to help someone? Never mind, at the end of it all, the greatest anger I have is towards me. Since when am I so dependent on the mobile phone? Since when do I feel naked and unsure when I don't have it with me. You know what, I have always helped someone: with money or cell phone or kind words or infos and directions or a ride. There were times when I was hustled. There were times when my actions did help. I have never ceased to be responsive to ones needs. You know what?! People that wouldn't let me use your phone for one minute, although you have hundreds that you don't use. GFYS! I DON'T NEED YOUR FUCKING HELP! Out of ten, of hundred persons there will be one to help me and if not, there will always be another solution - not going to see the Doctor. Not the best, but still a solution.

Hashimoto featuring Itsy Bitsy Spider

Jur ca raman tampita uneori cand imi dau seama ce expresii poti intalni in limba asta romana.

"Sanatos tun" si "racit cobza". Cum adica "Sanatos tun"? Poate ca tunul asa? Ca tunul e mare si nimic nu-l doboara, dar "racit cobza"???

Intamplarea face ca nu-s nici sanatoasa tun si nici racita cobza. Sufar de ... boala porcului: imi vine sa dorm intruna si m-as trezi numai ca sa mananc. Iar daca fac altfel ma simt obosita(dha), ma concentrez greu, devin irascibila. Suna a boala romaneasca, dar o cheama Hashimoto, cool ha? Bine, mie-mi suna mai mult a scuza, dar nu e. Nu mi se oxigeneaza organismul si na... Voi cu ce boli va laudati, ca pana acum asta-mi pare ca are cel mai tare nume si s-a nimerit sa fie tocmai a mea. Nu va bucurati inca, nu mor din ea.

Si ca sa incurajez si pe altii care mai au nevoie, dar mai ales pe mine, ca vor veni iara si zile cu soare sa usuce burlanul sa ne putem catara la loc, va interpretez una din melodiile mele favorite. Imaginati-va ca v-am interpretat, dar trebuia sa uploadez pe youtube si nu aveam cont. Sau aveam dar nu mai stiu parola. Sper sa va multumiti cu versiunea de mai jos:

               

Sper sa nu mi se potriveasca aia cu Humpty Dumpty prea curand. Sanatate ca-i mai buna decat toate va doresc!

A guaranteed way to fail

The first revelation for this year: if you want to make sure that you're going to fail then set high expectations. After that, anything you do guarantees you successful failure. There is a lot to talk regarding this subject. Maybe this usually happens because you're too positive and optimistic and on the way you just can't keep up with it, maybe it's because that others would rather see you fail, and almost reaching or reaching your initial target is just not enough, more as a moving target, maybe there's the human nature that just looooves to find a context to or disappointment. Impossible to find a resolution or explication here. But if this way of failing fails, you just didn't set the expectations high enough. written from my phone-iPhone :)